Do you even write?

All throughout my life I would have considered me to be an average writer. I never thought of myself of someone who could sit and write about a certain topic that I either cared a lot about or not at all. I never really thought it was fun. That was until the fall of my senior year when my talent for writing completely flourished and became something that I could be proud of. I began writing in my free time and completing writing assignments above and beyond the requirements for the assignment. Everything I wrote became a higher expectation I wanted myself to reach. It became an outlet for me.

This is where this blog comes into play.

I believe that in a very real way, this blog will help me to harness my writing skills and further develop them. Though the writing may at times seem very tedious and almost busy work like, in the long run I still believe that just writing a little bit each post will continue developing writing skills. Though I am aware this blog assignment is just that- an assignment- I am looking forward to it. Through keeping this blog I am hoping to become more in touch with my talent as well as more in touch with how that talent could be used daily.

Throughout this semester I am hoping to further develop my writing skills. I am hoping to find new ways to write and I am hoping to find new criticisms about my writing so that I may be able to improve it. Overall, I am excited about this blog and getting the opportunity to write more.

Let’s get started!

Let It Go

Attending an overnight retreat is sometimes just what you need to remind yourself of who you are, what you have, and most important, WHO you have by your side through all that you may be experiencing. That is just what I realized this weekend at the 2017 OMA Retreat. But the most important thing I realized was the principle of letting go.

Fairly late on the Friday night, all fifty of us multicultural, under-represented students were gathered around the fire. As cliche as it may sound, the activity was all about writing things on post-it notes and throwing it into the fire. As I was handed the stack of post-it notes, I thought of just about 100 things I could throw into that fire. Typical things like stress or lack of self-confidence, but also some more deeper things. I could have easily decided to only throw those superficial things away, but I knew in order to break out of the chains I have been made to stay in for years I had to let it all go for that moment.

It was then that the list started forming on my many different notes. I threw so many things into that fire. My mother, my father, siblings, abuse, hatred, self-harming, depression, self-hatred, and so many more. Standing next to my roommate on my one side and my newly found friend on the other, something came over me. It was as if God had come in that moment to hug me and give me that strength I had longed for in that exact moment. Though it really wasn’t the solution for any of those issues, throwing them in the fire helped me to realize that it is the letting go part of those issues that grants true freedom. And man, I can’t wait until that freedom is granted.

Blood is not thicker than water

The process of transitioning to a new atmosphere with new people is not an easy one by any means. Looking around a campus with buildings that all look the same and seeing the faces you are destined to see for the next four years, with the idea in your mind that some will make it, and some just won’t- things are scary. What makes those things a little less intimidating is the presence of a positive mentor or environment of people that accept you regardless of what makes you unacceptable. That place for me is a small corner area of the second floor of Albert Emmanuel Hall at UD. Within this small corner of a very large world is three separate offices. These three offices house, what I consider to be, three of the greatest individuals I have been blessed with in my life. These three spaces with these three people is what got me to where I am today.

These three individuals are mentors of a great program that invited me to become a part of something much greater than myself. At the beginning of this year, the beginning of the Flyer Promise era, they all made that promise to not only myself but to forty other students that they would be there to mentor and aid us in any way possible. That promise still holds strong today, three months after that initial promise was made. Because of that one promise and because of those three mentors, I have gotten to this area in my life that I never saw myself in. I never believed that I would have the ability to work towards goals let alone the goals that included attending college but because of that one promise, I am able to do so.

At a time specific to the current, water is seeming to be thicker than blood. Water, the connection between those three mentoring individuals and myself, is so much greater than any blood, connection between relatives. This, though, is one of the greater reasons I am where I am today. Without that experience of having to question the saying about blood being thicker than water, I would not be at the University of Dayton living out that promise that was made by three mentors and that promise that I made to myself to live with purpose of greatness. Thankfully, the questioning of the famous saying has only led me right back to that small corner of the world in the second floor of a building that I have, thankfully, been blessed to now call my home.

Today, I May Make A Difference

All throughout my high school years, I experienced events in my personal life that altered my entire view on others, myself, and my personal future. For three years, I believed that my future was nonexistent and that I was destined to be just like everyone I never wanted to be like. That was until I was truly impacted by educators in my high school.

Having teachers care about you as both a student and a real person is something that I can surely say altered my life forever. I came into school many days with nothing but a bad attitude, but having those teachers really gave me what I knew I deserved; love. Due to those teachers caring for me, I continued fighting through things I never believed I would overcome. I continued to apply for scholarships and colleges and ended up winning many of those, as pictured, even when I would come to school without having even brushed my hair. I stopped caring about myself but I knew I had to continue fighting because there were people out their fighting for and with me. Before those days when my English, Religion, and sometimes Science teachers used to offer me nothing but understanding and care, I felt unworthy of it all. Unworthy of care, unworthy of time, and most especially unworthy of being loved.

This is why I want to be a teacher. I want to teach students the love I have for being able to express themselves with their words while giving them the understanding they deserve as normal people. I want to make that simple difference in any student’s life. I want to teach in an urban school district to reach those students that believe all throughout their lives that they too are unworthy of that love. All throughout my career, my simple dream is to make a difference. I dream simply of the day when I am able to pick up the phone or run into an old student on the street and hear that I made even the smallest difference in their lives.

I am extremely passionate about giving those chances to students that do not believe they are worthy of them. I am passionate about giving opportunity to all kinds instead of just a specific subset of people. I am passionate about education of the entire person for life instead of just for a simple test.

I am passionate about kids. I am passionate about teaching. I am passionate about making a difference.

The Importance of Friends as Family

Sometimes in the process of life, there comes a time where one looks around and truly sees who is there for them and who is not. To some, this may be a shock to their system as they look around and do not see certain people around them and to others, it may not be a shock at all. During the experience of college it can be said that one truly realizes who is there for them and who is not. This, I have personally come to believe, has showed me the true importance of friends as family.

Friends all throughout my life have become a replacement for me as my true family. Due to the loss of my own, I see this as the greatest blessing I could possibly ever have. I have spent much time with my friends supporting me through trying times and see very clearly how they have become my family. When I look around and see my friends there for me when I don’t have a place to stay, can’t continue working, and when I feel like giving up, there is no greater feeling. The greatest example just occurred in my life this past week.

With nowhere to go for fall break and no one to spend it with, I was feeling more lost than ever. I had thought over and over again that I was going to spend it alone. However, I was blessed with one of the greatest gifts of a friend as family, and her name is Erin. Erin has opened her heart and her home to me as a member of her family and this came as a shock to me. I never believed I would have that in my life. Anyway, she opened her doors to me during the fall break and allowed me to stay with her so that I was not alone on campus all week. Erin and her family gave me the security, safety, and love that I have always wanted to have since I learned what an actual family was like.

Like I have said before, I am blessed beyond belief to have friends that have given me the time and energy to become a part of their families. Whether or not the college experience brings about realizations that are unwanted, they are needed immensely to show us who we are and who we are destined to be. The importance of friends as family is worth more than anything I have been gifted with in my life.

I am blessed.

Gender “Norms”….What the hell?

Throughout the entire settling of the United States up to the current time period with the complete disregard for women and their bodies, there has been an issue with the idea of “gender norms”. As a response to this, many are finding themselves becoming feminist to support the rights of women, and some are becoming complete male worshipers, trying to convey that men in fact are most important.

The rise of these gender questions was not out of the blue. There have been so many popular movies, books, and television shows that have formed this stereotype towards gender. The influence that pop culture has had on these gender stereotypes has been insurmountable. For example, many Disney movies that most people would have watched when they were children have clear and numerous examples of these gender stereotypes that have clearly manifested themselves from the time those movies were released, to the current day time period.

In Cinderella, most children see a beautiful princess who has started out as a poor servant and transformed into a princess. What could be seen today, however, is a beautiful and misunderstood girl who has to change who she is in an outward appearance in order to win over the prince and gain herself nobility through a man. This is subconsciously teaching little girls that what matters is looking good for the chance to meet and marry a man. That is wrong and clearly shows a gender role that women are “supposed” to live by.

On the other hand, there are some clear misrepresentations of men within these same classic movies. In Snow White, there is happy music and a great character representation that so many people use today as Halloween costumes. However, there is such a broader message to be taken from the simple plot line of that story. What can be taken away from it is that women are needed in order to take care of men. Without women, men would be completely lost and would not be able to perform simple functions such as cleaning or cooking. This movie clearly steps on gender roles in multiple different varieties through portraying women as only being used to serve and teach men, and through men being represented as helpless fools needing someone to train them how to live.

All throughout history there have been many issues relating to gender and the usage of “norms” in daily life and in pop culture. The de-normalization of terms, practices, and different beliefs is needed in order to cancel these gender stereotypes to become a more accepting society. Movies, books, and music need to be scanned more heavily for said material.

Someday we may have a society where women aren’t seen as property and men aren’t portrayed as pieces of meat. But it all starts with us.

Promise

All throughout high school, I never believed in myself. I always thought I would’ve gone to community college while my friends all went to their great schools. I never thought I would’ve been awarded any scholarships, but that all changed for me on February 22nd, 2017.

Two weeks before this date I was interviewed for a prestigious scholarship through the University of Dayton called Flyer Promise. I went into the interview room with the sweatiest palms and the highest blood pressure, and saw two guys sitting at the table waiting for me. Their names were Cody and Donnell. I won’t lie, even after the first ten minutes I was still dying of anxiety. However, forty five minutes went by and I finished the interview. All was well for the time being.

Two weeks later, I received an email from the guidance office at my high school. They were informing me that I was to come down at this certain time, not before or after the time slot. The exact time. I knew what this was about. I could tell deep in my bones that this was the moment of truth that hereby decided whether or not I was going to college. I was called into the office and Cody and Donnell were both sitting there. After tricking me for the first couple minutes about the selection process, Donnell pulled out the drawstring bag and tuition award that I was given. Nothing but tears filled my eyes.

I cried during the entire process of describing what I was awarded. The only next words I could express were “Thank you” and “Could I give you a hug?”. I never realized until after that event that I was hugging the two most influential individuals that have ever touched my life. I continued on with my day and received hugs and love from all of the teachers that were SO proud of us students receiving this opportunity.

Almost one month ago I set food on this campus with the other forty individuals who received this scholarship. We have become a family and have provided each other with the love and support that we may not otherwise receive. This scholarship absolutely changed my life and gave me an opportunity to receive love and a family.